Dysfunctional?

Today all you hear about is how dysfunctional people are. This label has spread to include anyone that differs from the traditional “norm.” You’re divorced? Dysfunctional. Your parents are divorced? You speak your mind and your opinion differs from mine? You quit high school? You have an OPEN MIND? Dysfunctional. You were pregnant out of wedlock?!? Or worse you married twice and you have children by more than one FATHER!?!?! DYSFUNCTIONAL!!

This brings me to the real point of this post…”functional” people...Functional people scare me. Am I alone in this? They scare me. Seriously. I get insanely uncomfortable around them…I just KNOW I’m going to do SOMETHING that will scream “I’M NOT LIKE YOU! I’M DYSFUNCTIONAL!!!” in a shrill (read -insane) voice.

They always want to make conversation. Normal conversation. I'm talking about questions that they expect stock answers to. My problem is that when asked a direct question, I automatically answer. I answer truthfully. I'm not a liar, sugar-coating counts. I'm met with silence sometimes. Eventually it will stall because I get tense and have no idea how to respond. I don't understand asking a question that I don't want answered truthfully. I don't know how to answer one any other way.

Is this just me?

Random Photographs…

These photos were taken by an amateur and I think that they’re absolutely fabulous…funny thing is that the photographer thinks that they’re awful. Please comment so that I can forward them? I just really hate to see talent go to waste…I suggest you click to enlarge-to see the detail.

All photo credits~Ivy Asrai

Flickr Tags: Photography,amazing,amateur

Soul searching

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, soul-searching if you will, during my recent stay in the land of the unemployed. As my nest egg dwindles, my anxiety grows.

When you're a kid, people always encourage you to have big dreams. Why is it that once you're in the double digits you're supposed to put those dreams away for “real life”?

Recently I saw the woman who used to live in the house directly behind my childhood home and that brought back a lot of memories. Suddenly, I remembered that well before I could actually write I used to make up and deliver newspapers for my neighborhood. I would scribble made up stories on notebook paper, then roll up the pages and go from house to house delivering what I called “the news.”

This is a picture of what my neighbors were kind enough to pretend was what they had been waiting for “all day!”

I learned to read and write when I was five. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with “One Fish, Two Fish” by Dr. Seuss for hours that night. I was determined to figure out how those symbols were deciphered into words that made sense to me. I wanted to be able to put down on paper all the stories that were in my head and all the feelings that were in my heart.

Once I learned how to read I was insatiable. I read by night light, had my head on my desk (to read the book that was on my lap) and my two favorite gifts were new books and fresh notebooks.

I was in the 5th grade when my English teacher asked for my permission to use one of my stories as a worksheet for future classes. The feeling I got from that experience is indescribable.

I seemed to have been born with a passion for the written word but then another bug bit me…acting. My mother brought me to acting classes and I found I had a knack for “becoming” my character. I was good at it and it became what I dreamed of doing with my life. My parents divorced and money was tight so those classes, unfortunately, were one of the things that had to be cut. As a teenager when I joined the workforce I did go back for awhile and got good reviews all around. I got pregnant with my daughter at 19 and theater just no longer seemed to be an attainable occupation. I always meant to start writing again but it just never seemed to be the right time.

I find it incredible just how fast the years fly by. Suddenly you look around and say, “What the fuck am I doing here? I hate my job! What happened to all the plans and dreams I had when I started this adventure that is my life?” It seems like it was just last week when those dreams were within reach.

My point is that I need to find a job which, considering the present state of the economy, I fear will be no easy task. Do I really want to jump right into another job that I hate? Is it alright to chase after the dreams that seemed so possible just yesterday? Is the fact that I’m daring to entertain these thoughts just downright selfish? Is there a time when it’s just too late?

I’d really love to hear any thoughts and/or opinions on this.

Luna’s Story Pt.2

During this time Luna was in a relationship with a guy who was having some issues. She never discussed it with anyone because it was his business. She had spent the last couple of years helping through the problem he was having.

About two years later Luna was talking to her brother about the upcoming Christmas get-together, "I’m not sure if I’m going to go,” she said. "I don’t think I can take another year of being the invisible person.” His response? “I don’t blame you. To be honest, it even hurts to watch.”

Right around the same time Luna had finally decided to call it quits with the boyfriend. It turns out he was an addict. She had been standing by him through repeated attempts on his part to stop. The last time after he got out of rehab and stumbled yet again, he scared the hell out of her daughter with his erratic behavior. This had never happened before but she’d  be damned if she’d ever let it happen again.

So anyway, around Christmas Luna begins hearing that her father is being quite vocal about the break-up and is blaming HER. According to what she’s hearing it is his opinion that she is an asshole to be breaking up with this great guy! There was quite a bit more that he said but I think you get the picture.

Luna gets him on the phone to make Christmas plans and asks him about what she’s been hearing. He admits to saying what she had heard and tells him the reason behind it. He goes silent for a bit then says (get this), “Well, how was I supposed to know that? You never told me that! So of course I ASSUMED…”

You see how that works?

“You never thought that maybe, just maybe, you should have asked ME?” Luna responded.

I’m ending this here, but does anyone have any opinions on this so far?